Post by tav7623 on Feb 27, 2010 15:46:08 GMT -5
Hey everyone tav here with another review, originally I was going to be reviewing Brad Anderson's Session 9 but I don't think my normal review format/style will work to well with this film so I will not be writing a review for it just yet. Instead I will be reviewing the 2008 movie Zombie Strippers starring porn star Jenna Jameson, and Robert Englund. The movie is about a zombie outbreak near a small Nebraska town, the military is called in to eliminate the infected but one of the infected escapes the facility where they had been trapped and bites the head stripper (Jameson) at a local strip club, the owner (Englund) upset that his lead stripper has become a zombie and that he was going to lose money hatches a crazy scheme in which he puts the lead zombie stripper on the stage....and it takes off....soon the other strippers debate whether or not they should become zombies because the lead zombie stripper is making even more money than when she was alive.
Pros: Lots of Nudity, Zombie Cat fight, Zombie Jenna Jameson launching pool balls from her pussy at another rival zombie stripper, and Robert Englund hamming it up as the money grubbing strip club owner.
Cons: Bad acting, poor attempt at political/social/religious commentary which essentially boils down to.....should we let religion get in the way of doing what comes naturally to us (fuck/have sex....seriously there is one of those bible/religious chicks who gets a job as a stripper in order to make money and over the course of the movie her boyfriend is trying to get in her pants.......and she has some stupid kind of realization near the end and decides that she doesn't want to die a virgin and that god will forgive her for having pre-marital sex or something like that )and that conservatism, George W. Bush, and friends are evil and responsible for most bad things that happen to the people of this country, also the Bush Administration is incompetent, but the way it's presented in the movie is that it is tacked on to try and make it a serious "film" instead of the crappy movie it is, loads of bad jokes...... one such joke involves a fat Hispanic dude who at one point says the line.... we don't need no stinkin badgers.......seriously they actually paid an guy to say that line.....later he says the line they were making fun of which just in case you couldn't figure it out is...we don't need to stinking badges, there is some bad special effects ......especially some bad cgi near the end, and finally....talking bitching zombie strippers..... these strippers for the most part are annoying to listen to so I couldn't wait for them to turn into zombies and shut the fuck up....but no they couldn't do that....they had to go all Return of the Living Dead on us and have all the strippers annoying talkative personalities carry over to when they turned into zombies (only instead of craving money they crave flesh)......and is an excuse to have a zombie stripper cat fight at the end.
Overall I give this movie a 3 out of 10, because to be quite frank it's a piece of shit that knows it's bad and tries to cover it up and then half way through realizes it failed at that so goes to plan b, which is to ham things up to the point that it will fall into the so bad it's good category....only it fails at doing that as well.....the best way of describing this movie is that it's like picking up a hot chick at a bar for a one night stand and then finding out later that she gave you an std........ and the only way I would recommend this movie to anyone is if 1) if your really fucked up stone cold drunk...in which case you will probably be lucky enough to not remember a damn thing after watching it, 2) if seeing a zombie stripper cat fight and zombie Jenna Jameson launching pool balls from her pussy is on the list of things you want to see before you die, or 3) your one of those sadomasochist who regularly enjoys subjecting themselves to the worst movies ever made..........In closing.......you have been warned...........watch at your own risk.......now if you excuse me I'm going to listen to some country music and get depressed enough to want to shoot myself after watching this piece of shit.........( I am being sarcastic. I'm not really planning on shooting myself....... the only things I am serious about was the country music part driving people to want to commit suicide..(there is actually a study to support the fact that those who listen to country music are more likely to commit suicide than any other genre of music)and that this movie sucks ass).
Pros: Lots of Nudity, Zombie Cat fight, Zombie Jenna Jameson launching pool balls from her pussy at another rival zombie stripper, and Robert Englund hamming it up as the money grubbing strip club owner.
Cons: Bad acting, poor attempt at political/social/religious commentary which essentially boils down to.....should we let religion get in the way of doing what comes naturally to us (fuck/have sex....seriously there is one of those bible/religious chicks who gets a job as a stripper in order to make money and over the course of the movie her boyfriend is trying to get in her pants.......and she has some stupid kind of realization near the end and decides that she doesn't want to die a virgin and that god will forgive her for having pre-marital sex or something like that )and that conservatism, George W. Bush, and friends are evil and responsible for most bad things that happen to the people of this country, also the Bush Administration is incompetent, but the way it's presented in the movie is that it is tacked on to try and make it a serious "film" instead of the crappy movie it is, loads of bad jokes...... one such joke involves a fat Hispanic dude who at one point says the line.... we don't need no stinkin badgers.......seriously they actually paid an guy to say that line.....later he says the line they were making fun of which just in case you couldn't figure it out is...we don't need to stinking badges, there is some bad special effects ......especially some bad cgi near the end, and finally....talking bitching zombie strippers..... these strippers for the most part are annoying to listen to so I couldn't wait for them to turn into zombies and shut the fuck up....but no they couldn't do that....they had to go all Return of the Living Dead on us and have all the strippers annoying talkative personalities carry over to when they turned into zombies (only instead of craving money they crave flesh)......and is an excuse to have a zombie stripper cat fight at the end.
Overall I give this movie a 3 out of 10, because to be quite frank it's a piece of shit that knows it's bad and tries to cover it up and then half way through realizes it failed at that so goes to plan b, which is to ham things up to the point that it will fall into the so bad it's good category....only it fails at doing that as well.....the best way of describing this movie is that it's like picking up a hot chick at a bar for a one night stand and then finding out later that she gave you an std........ and the only way I would recommend this movie to anyone is if 1) if your really fucked up stone cold drunk...in which case you will probably be lucky enough to not remember a damn thing after watching it, 2) if seeing a zombie stripper cat fight and zombie Jenna Jameson launching pool balls from her pussy is on the list of things you want to see before you die, or 3) your one of those sadomasochist who regularly enjoys subjecting themselves to the worst movies ever made..........In closing.......you have been warned...........watch at your own risk.......now if you excuse me I'm going to listen to some country music and get depressed enough to want to shoot myself after watching this piece of shit.........( I am being sarcastic. I'm not really planning on shooting myself....... the only things I am serious about was the country music part driving people to want to commit suicide..(there is actually a study to support the fact that those who listen to country music are more likely to commit suicide than any other genre of music)and that this movie sucks ass).